Alice live blogs the Australian GP.

Hot diggity damn it’s race day!

I was going to try and live blog the Australian Grand Prix from trackside but after the absolute shambles that was live blogging qualifying, I thought better of it.

So here’s the race as it happened through the eyes of a champagne laden, totally bias F1 fanatic…

LIGHTS OUT AND AWAY WE GO!

Vettel and Raikkonen get ahead of Hamilton and Rosberg through turn one. I repeat: Ferrari ahead of Mercedes. THIS IS NOT A DRILL PEOPLE.

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Puncture for Magnussen.

Ricciardo’s Red Bull overtakes the Williams of Massa.

Rosberg pits onto softs.
Vettel pits onto super softs.
Raikkonen leads.

Woooooah massive shunt! That’s one hell of a crash. Alonso no, that McLaren is not an acrobatic airplane, it’s a car. Stop. He and Gutierrez of Haas are fine but the race is red flagged.

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photo by Alex Coppel

Well timed champagne break. Always look for the positives folks.

We are restarting under safety car. No change to the running after the safety car comes in but “Mad Max” Verstappen is challenging Ricciardo for 4th.

The only real gripe I have with the Australian GP is that the commentators here on race day are not Crofty, Brundle and Kravitz and it just doesn’t sound right.
  
I STAND CORRECTED.
NOW my main gripe is that Raikkonen’s car is on fire.

KIMI NO! You had this! Hot as fuck apparently with flames coming out of his car and shit. (He’s too hot, hot damn, call the police and the fireman – no but seriously who has an extinguisher?) The Iceman cometh, the Iceman melteth. Except his exit was chill as fuck. Ice cream and a nap for the Finn.

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Stuff up on Vettel’s pitstop. One of the tyres had seperation anxiety wanted to stay on the car.

“Mad Max” Verstappen wants to get past his teammate Sainz and the Renault of Palmer but I don’t think the team will let him? We don’t get team radio at the track so I’m sort of piecing this together from what the commentators are saying. Either way I think he’s pissed.

Sainz locks up with “Mad Max” riding up his arse like a pair of panties.

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Beautiful overtaking manouvers by the two Toro Rosso drivers on Palmer. Some wheel to wheel glory right there.

Hamilton got into second somehow and I think I missed it, so yeah…there’s that. Last time I check Verstappen had been holding him off in 6th like a boss.

Ricciardo again overtakes Massa to take 4th. Much cheering and jubilation from his home crowd.

FIVE LAPS TO GO!

Vettel closing on Hamilton and vying for 2nd place behind Rosberg. Cautious excitement mounting…

The Toro Rosso’s touch. Bit of a spin but nothing disastrous.

Vettel locks up and goes off track. It’s all fucking over red Ferrari rover for second place being handed to Hamilton on a platter. Cautious excitement rapidly dissipating.

Suprise, suprise it’s a Mercedes blitz. Rosberg wins, Hamilton second, Vettel third.

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Well there it is folks. The first race of the season done and dusted! See you back here for the  Bahrain GP in two weeks.

Peace!

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Qualifying live from the Australian GP.

We’re baaaaaaaaaaack!

Coming at you live from the Australian Grand Prix in Melbourne.

It’s cold. It’s windy. The champagne is free. This is either going to kick ass or be a total disaster.

Speaking of which; new qualifying setup! Lucky us we get to be the guinea pigs who test this whole shebang out for the rest of the circuits. You’re welcome.

Basically it’s a knock out system (as far as I can tell). At one point during the quali session the timer of doom starts ticking and every 90 seconds someone get told to fuck off back to the garage.

Let’s begin…

So far, this new method is far more interesting. Almost every car is on the track and some drivers are even having a lil jostle for position! Fun!

Every man and his car is pitting so I think the timer of doom has started ticking.

I can’t tell who’s been booted while watching this whole thing go down live but what I can tell you is that the McLaren dynamic duo of Button and Alonso are not screwing around, they both just popped themselves into the top 5. Now THAT is unexpected!

Right, Q1 has finished and some people didn’t make it. I think Red Bull’s Kvyat was one of them. Lotus Renualt’s new guy Palmer pulled out a miracle at the end. This is much harder to keep on top of live.

Let’s go Q2, let’s go *clap clap*
From what I can tell there’s still a good mix of teams and drivers in this session. Maybe?

Here comes the timer!

The good news is that the cars are louder! The bad news is I can’t hear the commentators are therefore I havn’t a damn clue as to what’s happening. Personally, I don’t care.

Oh JB is in the garage and out of the McLaren. A sad but familiar sight.

Yeah! Homeboy Ricciardo pulls out a fast time in front of a very happy crowd so he should be through to the next round.

Let her rip Q3.

Everyone’s on track and the hot laps begin! Hamilton’s on the top of the leader board looking for pole (zero suprises) and I think Vettel is second.

Nope. Wait. Vettel and Raikkonen are out of the car so it’s a Mercedes shootout for pole. This new quali format did what new F1 rules so frequently do: nothing. It has changed nothing.

Hamilton on pole, Rosberg second and the Ferrari lock out the second row. Revolutionary.

Well there you have it folks. Live and slightly confused from trackside at the Australian Grand Prix.

Bring on race day!

Until tomorrow, for now more champagne.