Yeeeeeehaw! We’re in Austin baby!
The wild, wild wet apparently.
The water logged state as it were.
It has been raining.
That’s what I’m getting at here.
So Rosberg is on pole but if Hamilton wins this one he wins the world championship yet again. I’m not holding my breath for an upset. This is probably in the bag for Lewis Hamilton.
A bit of a shake up in terms of the starting lineup on the grid…
Lap 1: Mercedes are neck and neck as are the Red Bulls and someone has spun out? I think it’s Massa.
Hamilton leads in a SHOCKING turn of events. Followed by Kvyat and Ricciardo which is a bit different. Rosberg close behind in 4th.
Lap 2: Alonso has a puncture and Bottas needs a new nose. The Saubers give each other a nudge.
Lap 3: Stevens is out of the race. Sainz is storming up the field after starting last, now in 10th.
The Ferrari drivers have both moved up through the grid and have create a Verstappen sandwich.
Brilliant replays of the carnage through the first corner after the start. Massa spun, collected Alonso. Hamilton ran Rosberg off the track. Team spirit is alive and well at Mercedes.
Lap 5: Sainz getting aggressive through the corners on Hulkenberg and takes 9th.
Virtual safety car due to debris here, there and everywhere on the track.
The commentators are super confused about what lap they are watchin on replay. It’s great. Such confusion. Very unsure. Wow.
Lap 7: Bottas is out of the Austin GP. Bye friend.
Lap 8: Safety car is in and Rosberg gets the jump on Ricciardo for 3rd, gets right up Kvyat’s tail, makes the overtake stick and snatches 2nd. Smooth moves.
Lap 9: Wet track bonus – basic as fuck tire cooling system! The top 4 drivers are intentionally driving into the puddles on the edge of the track to bring their tire temperatures down. Genius.
Lap 13: Oh Kvyat tried a grand gesture on Rosberg but runs wide and ends up behind his teammate who then goes all carpe diem and gets ahead of Rosberg and up into 2nd.
Raikkonen is PISSED OFF about something. That’s the closest thing I’ve heard to the Fin yelling over team radio. He’s in 9th behind Verstappen and Sainz.
Lap 14: Sainz will not leave Raikkonen well enough alone in their game of leapfrog. Raikkonen is ahead of him but Sainz is attempting to overtake every chance he gets
Lap 15: Raikkonen and Verstappen engaging in a lovely wheel to wheel dance.
RICCIARDO LEADS THE US GRAND PRIX! What a bloody legend.
Lap 16: Rosberg has decided to give it a red hot go on Hamilton. Can’t make it stick.
Classic fucking Raikkonen team radio.
Lap 17: Verstappen is like “ciao bitches” and overtakes Vettel to steal 6th but totally over cooks it and loses the place.
Lap 18: WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW WITH ROSBERG AND HAMILTON?! Battle royal between the two Mercs with Rosberg emerging victorious. Hamilton pits. Now that’s racing!
Lap 20: Hamilton is now in 4th due to some well timed pit stops by Red Bull.
Raikkonen is beached in the gravel.
Raikkonen is free of the gravel!
Forgets that this is Formula One, assumes it’s a rally and literally wiggles his way out of the barrier.
Rejoins the race.
Lap 22: Vettel is now in 5th and closing. Rosberg sails past Ricciardo to lead the Austin GP.
Lap 24: Woop there it is. Vettel takes 4th from Kvyat.
Massa has to retire and Williams are outta here.
Lap 26: Rosberg is putting in fastest lap after fastest lap after fastest lap. Obviously sick to the teeth of always being a princess and never the queen.
Hamilton overtakes Ricciardo to claim 2nd.
My main man Raikkonen has been told to retire due to overheating breaks. Valiant effort you beautiful Finnish bastard.
Lap 27: Ericsson’s car has gone kaput on the side of the road. Safety car deployed coz he can’t do shit with no power and needs to get a tow.
Lap 32: There is a big ol’ bunch of cars up behind the safety car as we go racing again!
Vettel is now 4th and goes through the corners next to Ricciardo, tries for 3rd but can’t hold it.
Lap 34: Vettel swoops on Ricciardo again and makes it stick this time.
Verstappen is the Toro Rosso amongst the Red Bulls as he sneaks through to 5th and Hulkenberg manages 6th ahead of Kvyat.
Lap 35: Verstappen has gone past Ricciardo who now has Hulkenberg for company in a scrap for 5th.
Lap 36: Hulkenberg and Ricciardo collide and the Force India comes off worse and is undoubtedly out of the race.
Lap 37: Ricciardo definitely has damage to his car and appears to be losing places as he attempts to continue.
Lap 38: And now for something completely different – Virtual Safety Car!
Lap 39: Safety car ends, racing resumes.
Lap 40: Alonso has overtaken someone and is now in 6th!!! Behind teammate Button who is in 5th!!!!!
Ahead is Max Verstappen: Wonder Kid in 4th, Rosberg in 3rd Vettel in 2nd and Hamilton leading once again.
Lap 42: We are back to having a Mercedes 1-2 as Rosberg overtakes Vettel.
Lap 43: Oh crap that is a big shunt for Kvyat who is a-okay but out of the Grand Prix.
Lap 44: Vettel pits after much speculation that he would go to the end on his previous set of tires but that theory is shot to shit and he rejoins in 4th behind Verstappen.
Hamilton also pits which gives Rosberg the lead.
Lap 47: We are racing yet again with 10 laps to go.
Rosberg nails the restart and keeps his lead.
Scrap, scrap, scrappy between Verstappen and Vettel with the Ferrari succeeding and moving back up into 3rd.
Lap 48: Alonso is in 5th!!!!!
The lead has gone to Hamilton as Rosberg does a slips ‘n’ slide off the track. Don’t go handing world championships to your teammate!
Lap 50: Button just overtook two cars in one go? Then overtook his teammate? WHAT IS THIS GLORIOUS DISPLAY OF RACING I SEE?
Lap 52: Balls. Alonso over team radio saying he has lost power. Told to stay out as he is still in the points to which Alonso replies “Okay, but if we’re not in the points I come in” GIVE THE MAN A MEDAL FOR HIS TEAM RADIO THIS YEAR it’s priceless.
Lap 54: Sainz gets ahead of Button to gain 6th but may have a 10 second penalty from earlier.
Lap 55: Not one to count my chickens before they hatch but this looks like it’s all over red rover as Hamilton is within reach of the drivers world championship for 2015. Imagine if he fucked it up? A girl can dream.
Lap 56: Vettel is NOT giving up on trying to steal 2nd from Rosberg but can’t get the job done as Hamilton crosses the line to be crowned the winner of winners with his teammate Rosberg winding up playing second fiddle once more.
Here’s how we ended the Austin GP…
For reals though, big ups to Lewis Hamilton on his third championship title. That is no mean feat and he has some serious talent behind the wheel.
However, NICO ROSBERG IS THE ANGRIEST MAN IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW. Not a smile is to be seen within a mile of that man’s face. My money is on Nico getting shitfaced tonight and potentially punching someone or something in the face. Just sayin’.
Well that’s it for the U S of A and kind of for the season in a way but I’ll be back for the south of the boarder special down Mexico way.